1. Essay instructor Mrs. Katie Fawcett makes the following recommendations for and observations of students’ essays.  These comments refer to practice essays and Student Information Sheet (SIS) responses written by students wanting to gain admissions to  Thomas Jefferson High School of Science and Technology (TJ).  Most of these comments can be applied to any essay situation such as college applications.  She say major problems are:

  1. NOT ANSWERING THE QUESTION. This seems obvious, but many students don’t fully answer the question asked in the prompt. They may answer part of it but not all of it. If you are asked about the most interesting project you did in school and how this project impacted you, be sure to respond to both parts of the question. Don’t just describe the project. Make sure you also explain why it interested you and how it influenced you.
  2. SHOWING THAT YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT TJ. Schools take pride in their strengths. You should know enough about TJ to address those strengths and how you can benefit from them (not just getting into a good college or getting a good job, but rather how the courses offered, the special labs, the clubs and opportunities, etc. can help you make the most of your own interests, talents, and skills). It also doesn’t hurt, and often helps, to show how you can use those talents and skills to help others or contribute to progress in the world.
  3. DUPLICATING INFORMATION FROM THE TJ WEBSITE OR BROCHURES. Don’t memorize what the TJ website states about the school and then repeat those words in an essay. Some students waste a lot oftime and space telling the reader something the reader already knows. For example, you do not need to say that TJ “serves a diverse student population, demonstrating excellence and passion for math,science, and technology,” etc. The reader already knows this. Write your essay and the SIS responses in your own words.
  4. TRYING TO BE WHO YOU THINK THE ADMISSIONS OFFICERS WANT YOU TO BE. Some students exaggerate their strengths in an effort to impress or flatter the admissions officers. It is better to be honest about your strengths and opinions. Your essays will be more genuine and believable.
  5. NOT REVEALING ENOUGH ABOUT YOURSELF. Admissions officers want to know something about the students they admit to the school. If the question is related to experiences, accomplishments, historical figures…whatever, be sure that your descriptions are clear but that you also show how those experiences, accomplishments, or historical figures influenced you or made a difference in your interests and goals.
  6. TRYING TO BE FUNNY WHEN YOU’RE NOT. Remember that it takes a very skilled writer to write a good humorous essay. This is not likely to be a problem with TJ applicants, but good to remember in any case.
  7. GOING OVERBOARD WITH CREATIVITY. Interesting anecdotes, quotes, or questions can often be used to effectively introduce an essay, but don’t digress from the necessary focus as it relates to the prompt.  Content and ideas and clarity are most important. Remember this: an opinion without supporting examples is not effective no matter how creative the essay.
  8. FAILING TO SEE EACH ESSAY (OR SIS RESPONSE) AS PART OF THE LARGER PICTURE. Don’t answer/respond to each prompt/question with the same information. If you discuss your 7th project as one response, don’t use that same example again. Each of the SIS responses and the essays should be different, but they should go together to form a larger picture of you. If your primary interest is technology, it’s okay to make each response about technology, but they must be different examples/ projects/experiences, etc.
  9. NOT KNOWING WHY YOU WANT TO GO TO TJ. If you are asked why you want to go to TJ, your response should be unique to you and your interests, experiences, accomplishments and how TJ (particular classes, clubs, activities, labs, etc.) can satisfy your interests, challenge you, and help you reach your goals.
  10. NOT SHOWING LINKS BETWEEN THE PAST, PRESENT, AND FUTURE. Admissions officers want to know your story. They want to see how your past interests – projects, clubs, experiences, competitions, etc. – are reflected in your present studies/activities and in your interest in TJ. For example, if you have loved rocket science since 4th to have that passion and what you are doing to satisfy it. A look toward the future (particular labs or classes at TJ that offer special opportunities related to rocket science) should support those interests and show how they contribute to achieving your goals.
  11. NOT WRITING ABOUT INDIVIDUAL ACHIEVEMENTS. It’s important to show that you can be a team player and work cooperatively in a group, but it’s also important to define your individual accomplishments. If you write about how your group won a competition, for example, be sure to show how you contributed individually to that success.
  12. WRITING AN ESSAY IN ONE PARAGRAPH OR IN THE FORM OF A LIST. An essay should have at least three paragraphs – an introduction, body (example of support), and conclusion. Each additional example in the body of the essay should have a separate paragraph. Also, don’t simply make a list and call it an essay. Example – if you’re asked about specific accomplishments in middle school, don’t just  write a list of five accomplishments. Be sure to describe the importance of each and reflect on what you gained from the experience. Better to have a strong essay about a few accomplishments than to simply write a list of ten.
  13. FAILING TO — USE GOOD JUDGMENT. Avoid giving advice to others (eg “everyone should… we should… the right way is to…”). Recognize that every argument has at least two sides. State your own side with strong examples to persuade the reader. Or your biggest disappointment in life may have been your failure to make a travel soccer team, but no one is going to be interested in this unless you show how it influenced or changed you in some positive way. In other words, don’t complain about failure but show how you overcame failure/disappointment.
  14. NOT EXPLAINING WHAT YOU HAVE LEARNED. Every student who applies to TJ will have a long resume of accomplishments. Remember that actual accomplishments are not as important as what you gained/learned from them. This is KEY information that admissions officers want to know. Think about what you have gotten out of your experiences and, perhaps, how you would approach similar situations differently with the knowledge you gained. Example – if a lab experiment failed three times and worked on the fourth, what did you learn that would enable you to make it work on the first try next time?
  15. RUNNING OUT OF TIME. Practice managing your time by using a timer for essay writing. Spend no more than 5 minutes thinking about your response to the prompt and outlining (listing) examples of support to be used. This 5-minute period of thinking through the essay is crucial and can save time once you begin writing. Keep looking back at your introductory statement to maintain your focus.
  16. NOT ADDRESSING AN OBVIOUS WEAKNESS. If you don’t have stellar grades in a subject, admissions officers are going to know. If you are asked about strengths and weaknesses, it’s best to be honest and explain. Don’t give excuses for a “B” in history, for example, but do provide an explanation.
  17. NOT HAVING A POINT. It is not enough to have a well-written essay that tells a good story. It must also answer the question(s) asked and make a point. What is the message you are trying to convey in the essay? If it does not make a point, it is lacking focus.
  18. WEAK INTROSPECTION OR ANALYSIS. Admissions officers don’t just want to know what you have done, they want to know your opinions, ideas, and/or motivations. Keep this in mind.

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